How long does grief last?

There is no answer in figures, and the timeframes that circulate — one year, two years — have no basis. What can be observed is change over time: the waves remain just as strong but come further apart, and life takes up more room between them. What is concerning is not the length of time in itself, but a lack of any movement over a long period.

Is it too soon to seek help?

There is no required moment. Some people come in the first weeks, because the need to talk is immediate; others months or years later, when something gets stuck. Both are valid. If you are asking yourself the question, that is already reason enough for a first appointment.

Is a separation really a reason to see a psychologist?

Yes. A break-up severs a bond, dismantles a way of life and calls plans into question: the mechanisms involved are close to those of bereavement. The fact that people around you often expect a quick recovery makes this sorrow lonelier, not less real.

How can I help a child who has just lost someone close?

Children express grief differently: through play, through their body, through repeated questions or by going back on things they had already learned. What helps most is clear language, without ambiguous metaphors, and the freedom to ask their questions. One or two meetings with the parents are often enough to find a way forward; if the child needs direct support, I will refer you to a colleague who specialises in this.

I feel relief rather than sadness. Is that abnormal?

No. Relief is common after a long illness, a difficult relationship or a period of exhausting caregiving. It says nothing about the bond you had, and it often coexists with sorrow. What weighs on people, in general, is less the relief itself than the shame of feeling it — and that is precisely something worth saying somewhere.

Psychologist · Romans-sur-Isère

Grief and separation

Grief is not an illness, and the pain that follows a loss does not need treating to be legitimate. Most people get through this period with the support of those close to them, without needing professional help.

Support becomes useful when grief no longer evolves, when you find yourself alone with it, or when there is nowhere left around you to talk about it.

What it is

Grief is the process by which a person adapts to a loss. It concerns the death of someone close, but also separations, break-ups, the loss of a job or of one’s health, exile, miscarriage or giving up a plan that had shaped a whole life. All these situations have in common that a bond has been broken and that, without having chosen it, you have to reorganise your life around what is missing.

A widespread idea holds that grief unfolds in successive, orderly stages. Contemporary research does not support this model: grief moves in waves, goes backwards, alternates between moments when you hold up and moments when everything collapses without warning. An anniversary, a smell, a song can bring the pain back intact months later. This is not a relapse, nor a sign that you are doing it wrong.

What you feel is also more varied than you might imagine. Sadness, but also anger at the person who has died, at the medical staff, at yourself; guilt for having said or not said something; relief, after a long illness or a relationship that had become destructive, which in turn brings shame. These contradictory feelings are part of the ordinary process.

A separation has much in common with bereavement, with a particular difficulty: the other person is still there, sometimes reachable, sometimes rebuilding a life elsewhere, and you often have to keep communicating for the children’s sake. People around you are also less ready to acknowledge this grief, as if it ought to fade faster. The same is true of losses that society struggles to acknowledge — a miscarriage, a pet, a hidden relationship — which leave you alone with a sorrow nobody comes to recognise.

Grief becomes a reason to seek help when it becomes frozen: when months go by without anything shifting, when daily life remains impaired for a long time, when the person withdraws completely or stays overwhelmed by guilt. There is no normal length of time for grief, but there are situations where you go round in circles on your own.

Signs that lead people to seek help

None of these is abnormal in itself. What matters is whether they persist and whether you find yourself alone with them.

A feeling that nothing is shifting, months after the loss
Lasting difficulty returning to work, relationships or ordinary routines
Persistent guilt: what you should have said, seen or done
Anger that has nowhere to go, including towards the person who is gone
Avoiding anything that recalls the loss, or on the contrary being unable to think of anything else
Growing isolation, or a sense that those around you are waiting for it to pass
Sleep and appetite problems that settle in
A sorrow that nobody around you recognises as legitimate

If suicidal thoughts arise, do not wait: 3114 is free and available 24 hours a day, and 15 or 112 can be called in an immediate emergency.

How I work with grief

The first stage is simply a time to talk. It is common for those around you, with the best of intentions, to stop raising the subject after a few weeks, or for you to avoid talking about it so as not to weigh on people who are already struggling. Having a place to talk about the person, the relationship and what happened, without having to protect anyone and without watching the clock, has value in itself.

We work on what the loss has left unresolved: what was not said, circumstances that were poorly understood, the guilt of having missed something, the anger that has nowhere to go. These points often hold the process back, less because of how serious they are than because they have never been put into words out loud.

We also look at how daily life has been reorganised. Grief has a practical side that is often underestimated: rituals to reinvent, belongings, paperwork, dates, the place to take within the family, relationships that have drifted. Gradually re-establishing points of support is part of the work, without meaning turning the page — an expression I do not use, because it is never about forgetting.

The aim is not to make the absence disappear. It is to find a way of living with it again, keeping a place for what has been lost rather than trying to erase it.

When the situation calls for it, I may refer you to a doctor or a psychiatrist, particularly if depression has set in on top of grief, which does happen and can be treated.

How long it takes

There is no normal length of time for grief, and nobody can say when things will feel better. What can be said is that the support itself is not meant to last indefinitely.

Sessions are often weekly during the hardest periods, then naturally become less frequent. How long the support lasts depends on the loss, how long ago it happened and what it reawakens: it is not decided in advance, and we come back to it regularly.

Some people prefer to come back from time to time, particularly as a difficult date approaches. That is an entirely valid way of doing things.

Fees and reimbursement

Frequently asked questions

How long does grief last?: There is no answer in figures, and the timeframes that circulate — one year, two years — have no basis. What can be observed is change over time: the waves remain just as strong but come further apart, and life takes up more room between them. What is concerning is not the length of time in itself, but a lack of any movement over a long period.
Is it too soon to seek help?: There is no required moment. Some people come in the first weeks, because the need to talk is immediate; others months or years later, when something gets stuck. Both are valid. If you are asking yourself the question, that is already reason enough for a first appointment.
Is a separation really a reason to see a psychologist?: Yes. A break-up severs a bond, dismantles a way of life and calls plans into question: the mechanisms involved are close to those of bereavement. The fact that people around you often expect a quick recovery makes this sorrow lonelier, not less real.
How can I help a child who has just lost someone close?: Children express grief differently: through play, through their body, through repeated questions or by going back on things they had already learned. What helps most is clear language, without ambiguous metaphors, and the freedom to ask their questions. One or two meetings with the parents are often enough to find a way forward; if the child needs direct support, I will refer you to a colleague who specialises in this.
I feel relief rather than sadness. Is that abnormal?: No. Relief is common after a long illness, a difficult relationship or a period of exhausting caregiving. It says nothing about the bond you had, and it often coexists with sorrow. What weighs on people, in general, is less the relief itself than the shame of feeling it — and that is precisely something worth saying somewhere.

Other areas of support

All areas of support

Book an appointment

An initial fifteen-minute phone call, with no commitment, lets us see whether my approach matches what you are looking for. If it does not, I will refer you to a colleague.