Support for teenagers
Adolescence stirs up a great deal, and much of what it produces is normal, even when it is worrying. The difficulty, for a parent, is telling apart what is part of growing up from what calls for support.
When a teenager withdraws for a long time, when their sleep and school results deteriorate, or when the atmosphere at home no longer eases, someone from outside the family can open up a space that the family cannot offer on its own.
What it is
Adolescence is a period of rapid change, when the body changes, when the opinion of peers takes on enormous importance and when a necessary distance from parents is being worked out. This distancing often comes through conflict, silence or a closed bedroom door: these are expected movements, even when they are hard to live with at home.
What deserves attention, then, is not opposition in itself, but how long it lasts, how intense it is and how much it affects daily life. A teenager who argues, tests and challenges is doing their job. A teenager who has not gone out for months, who has cut themselves off from friends, who no longer sleeps, whose results are collapsing or who expresses marked distress is in a different situation.
The most common reasons are anxiety — often about school or social situations —, depression, a painful relationship with their body and with food, relationship difficulties or bullying, the impact of their parents’ separation or of a bereavement, and behaviours that cause concern. Questions of identity and orientation are part of this too, and are welcomed without judgement.
One point that matters: a teenager who is struggling does not mean the parents have failed. This idea is widespread and stops families from asking for help sooner. A parent looking for support is taking a step to care for their child, not admitting failure.
Signs that lead people to seek help
What distinguishes an ordinary teenage phase from a difficulty that calls for support is mainly how long it lasts and how much it affects daily life.
Withdrawal that lasts: no longer seeing anyone, not leaving their room for weeks
A clear and lasting drop in school results, or refusing to go to school
Severely disrupted sleep, or a completely reversed day–night rhythm
Marked sadness, constant irritability, frequent tears
A relationship with their body or with food that has become all-consuming
Unexplained injuries, or talk of wanting to disappear
A sudden break with their group of friends, or signs of bullying
Substance use taking hold, or screens taking up all the space
None of these signs is enough on its own, and many may be temporary. If there is talk of suicide or deliberate self-harm, do not wait: 3114 is available 24 hours a day, and 15 or 112 can be called in an emergency.
How I work with teenagers
The first appointment is usually held with the teenager and their parent or parents, to talk together about what brings them and to explain how things will work. The following sessions are with the teenager alone, which is what makes it possible for the space to genuinely belong to them.
The framework is made explicit from the outset, in front of everyone. What the teenager tells me stays between us. I do not report the content of sessions to the parents, and I say so in front of them so that it is not an unspoken arrangement. There is one exception, stated from the start: a situation of danger to themselves or to someone else, which I would not keep to myself. This clarity is what allows a teenager to speak, and their loyalty to their parents makes this guarantee essential.
Parents are not shut out, however. Regular meetings can be arranged, the principle of which is explained to the teenager. They focus on the direction of the work and on what might help at home, never on what was said in session. For anyone under 18, the consent of those with parental authority is required to begin therapy.
The work itself takes different forms depending on age and personality. Some talk easily, others much less so, and a teenager who comes reluctantly is not an obstacle: it is a starting point we work with. We take the time needed for something of their point of view to be expressed, without forcing it.
When the situation calls for it, I may refer to a doctor, a psychiatrist or the school health service, and work alongside them.
How long it takes
Sessions last 45 minutes, a format better suited to a teenager’s attention span than the 50 minutes of an adult session. They are usually weekly at first, then become less frequent.
The length of therapy varies greatly from one situation to another and is not decided in advance. Meetings with the parents provide regular opportunities to review it, so that therapy does not carry on out of habit.
It sometimes happens that a teenager stops, then comes back a year later. That is not a failure: having experienced that such a place exists already makes a difference, and the door stays open.
Fees and reimbursementFrequently asked questions
My teenager refuses to come. What can I do?
This is common, and it does not rule anything out. It is better to present things honestly than to bring them along without warning: one appointment, just once, to see, with no commitment to continue. Many teenagers accept on that basis. If the refusal stands, one or two appointments with the parents alone are possible: thinking about what is going on and how to respond at home can already help, even without them.
Will you tell us what they have said to you?
No. What your teenager tells me remains confidential, and I say so in front of you from the first appointment, because that is the condition for them to speak freely. The only exception is a situation of danger to them or to someone else, which I would not keep to myself. Regular meetings can be arranged with you, focusing on the direction of the work and on what might help at home.
Do both parents need to agree?
For a minor, the consent of those with parental authority is required. Where parental authority is shared, informing both parents and obtaining their consent is the rule, including after a separation. If the situation is complicated, we discuss it at the first contact to find the fairest way forward.
From what age do you see young people?
I see teenagers from around the age of 12. Below that, working with a child calls for different practice and tools; I will then refer you to a colleague who specialises in this, or to a CMP (centre médico-psychologique, a public mental health centre).
Can sessions take place by video?
Yes, particularly to keep therapy going once it has started or when travelling is difficult. For a first course of therapy, I prefer the consulting room: being physically present matters, and home does not always give a teenager the privacy they need to speak freely.
Other areas of support
Book an appointment
An initial fifteen-minute phone call, with no commitment, lets us see whether my approach matches what you are looking for. If it does not, I will refer you to a colleague.